Financial “I Never” with Finance Girl
It’s Saturday night and your team isn’t in the Final Four (or didn’t even get invited to the tournament - sigh).
Let’s find a way to drown your sorrows…
Presenting: Financial “I Never” with Finance Girl
In order to play Financial “I Never,” you first need to find the hard liquor of your choice.
There, that will do nicely.
Next, read the following statements. For each “I never” that you have done, take a shot. I’ll play along too. Here we go…
I’ve never bounced a check:

Damn.
I’ve never carried a balance on my credit cards:

Damn again.
I’ve never taken a cash advance on my credit card:

Who’s drinking now, bitches?
I’ve never borrowed money from relatives:

Give me a break, I was 17.
I’ve never co-signed a loan:

Thank God!
I’ve never financed a new car:

Whoopsies!
I’ve never had an Old Navy credit card:

Take that!
I’ve never taken a payday loan:

What do you think I am, stupid? Don’t answer that.
I’ve never borrowed money against my 401k:

Please - if I wanted to borrow money, I’d use my credit card. duh.
I’ve never had a home equity loan or home equity line of credit:

How else are you supposed to buy a house with no down payment?
I’ve never bought a pair of $100 jeans:

Well, I did once, but I returned them. Does that count? Fine…

I’ve never taken a refund anticipation loan:

Please. I’m too cheap to go to H&R Block in the first place.
I’ve never paid for a groceries with a credit card:

A girl’s gotta eat!
I’ve never charged up a bunch of concert tickets on my credit card and not gotten paid back for all of them:

If you tell me you’re going to go, you better damn well go! If you don’t go, you still owe me for the ticket (and the convenience fees - Ticketmaster ain’t cheap!). It’s also not my job to find someone else to buy your ticket.
Sorry, drunken rant…
I’ve never gambled:

I am probably the cheapest gambler ever to visit Vegas though. And I’m too scared to play the tables.
I’ve never signed up for a credit card to get a free t-shirt:

Dude, it said “College” on it. Like Animal House, you know? And I was in college! Get it?
I’ve never signed up for a “pay no interest ’til 2030″ credit card in order to buy a big-screen TV:

Watching Kansas or North Carolina lose tonight will be so much better in high-def.
Sorry, I meant to say, “I LOOOOOOOOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to find someone to hold my hair.
Photo Credits: no chase, bitches! and jr and amanda by theogeo, used under Creative Commons licensing





