Debt is a symptom of a problem in your life.
It could be that you want desperately to be liked, and are trying to keep up with the Joneses. Maybe you are unable to set boundaries with your children and give in to their every whim. Perhaps, like me, having the “perfect” outfit or the “right” place settings eases your anxiety about interactions with others. Or, maybe you have an addiction to shopping, alcohol, drugs, gambling…or sex.
Back in Halle Berry-Eric Benet days, I thought that sexual addiction was just another excuse people used to explain away wrongdoing. Kind of like how celebrities are always being hospitalized for “exhaustion.”
But now, I’m starting to get it. Why else would powerful, successful men (and occasionally women) risk their marriages, careers and reputations on sex with prostitutes, propositioning sex in airport bathrooms and other risky sexual behaviors? Just because they can? I don’t think it’s that simple. According to the New York Times, EliotSpitzer’s call girl habit likely goes back 10 years and has cost him over $80,000. That doesn’t sound like just a power trip to me.
My dad’s best friend was fired from his government job after porn was found on his office computer…twice. His wife divorced him, he frequented strip clubs and bankrolled expenses for his stripper girlfriends’ “companionship.” Within a year, he was dead - supposedly from a heart attack, although some suspect drugs were involved (his father was a doctor and quickly had the body cremated). While he wasn’t extremely powerful or successful, he did have one thing in common with Spitzer - an addiction to sex.
So what happens when sexual addiction afflicts those who can’t afford it? Debt.
A friend of mine recently came over for dinner after a fight with her husband. While she was calling around for mortgage rates that afternoon, the broker mentioned a credit card she didn’t know existed. She and her husband had been working extremely hard to pay off their debt, but he had apparently been running up credit cards on the side. “On what?,” I asked. She said he has a computer addiction - to porn. “Isn’t porn free?,” I asked, dumbfounded. “Not for the good stuff,” she said.
A report featured in The Guardian this January says that one in four people in the UK who contacted the UK Insolvency Helpline last year admitted that some of their financial problems were caused by spending money on sex (including pornography, strip clubs, telephone sex lines and prostitutes). The helpline says that sex industry spending is now the third most common reason people get in debt, after alcohol/drugs and shopping.
Sexual addiction is real, and has a damaging effect on finances (among other things). Remember that the debt is a symptom of the addiction, and the addiction needs to be tackled before the debt.
